This post will help you break from your need for validation and start living life on your own terms.
I want to start this post by delivering a few powerful reminders:
You don’t need anyone’s approval to live your life. You don’t need likes, claps, praise, or a round of applause every time you do something.
And you certainly don’t need permission to be yourself.
And yet…we all fall into the validation trap.
We post something and refresh the page to see if it got enough engagement.
We hesitate to make decisions without someone else’s stamp of approval.
And we let other people’s opinions dictate how we feel about ourselves.
But oh my God, enough of that.
It’s high time to break free, to stop seeking validation, and to start trusting yourself like the absolute powerhouse that you are.
Before I share my best tips to stop seeking validation, let’s dig into why we crave it in the first place.
Why Do We Seek Validation?
It’s not really your fault if you find yourself seeking validation from others. It’s something we’ve been conditioned to do since childhood.
Growing up, we were rewarded for good grades, good behavior, and following the rules. The approval of parents, teachers, and peers shaped our sense of self-worth.
We learned early on that validation = acceptance, and rejection = pain.
Fast forward to adulthood, and the pattern continues. Social media only makes it worse!
Every second that you spend online, you are being trained to chase likes, comments, and external approval because somewhere deep down, it gives you a temporary high, and a sense of belonging.
But you know what the problem with this is?
When you rely on validation from others, you give away your power. You let people decide your worth.
And that’s a dangerous game because the world is inconsistent.
Some days you’ll get praise, and some days you won’t. If your confidence is built on external approval, it’s always going to be fragile.
If you agree with everything I just wrote and would like to break free, then please read on.
Here are 12 ways to stop seeking validation from others:
How To Stop Seeking Validation
1. Validate Yourself First
No amount of external validation will ever be enough if you don’t believe in yourself first.
Compliments will feel temporary, praise will feel hollow, and you’ll always be searching for the next hit of approval.
The straightforward solution for this is to start validating yourself, right now.
Hype yourself up like you’re your own biggest fan. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. Talk to yourself as if you are your own best friend.
Instead of thinking, “I hope they like me”, shift to “I like me, and that’s what matters.”
You are probably thinking that I am making this sound easier than it is, but not really. I have been doing this actively for some time now, and the hardest part of self-validation is to remember to do it.
So, please write it down somewhere, and then whenever you find yourself craving validation, give it to yourself in your mind instead of seeking it elsewhere.
2. Get Comfortable with Disapproval
Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to agree with you. And that’s okay.
You don’t ever need to bend over backward for approval.
If you spend your life trying to make everyone happy, you’ll end up exhausted and resentful.
And this is going to be hard to hear, but no matter what you do, some people will judge you regardless. So, might as well do what makes YOU happy.
To get comfortable with disapproval, you gotta start small. It’s a big change and you’ll be unwiring a lot of conditioning.
Practice making decisions without asking for input. Wear that bold outfit, speak your mind, and do what feels right for you.
The more you lean into your own choices, the less you’ll care about outside approval.
3. Stop Looking for Likes On Social Media
Let’s talk about social media now, because that thing has become a world of people seeking validation all around.
People spend hours editing an image, looking at it through the eyes of others before hitting ‘post’, and then their mood plummets or soars depending on the kind of response their post gets.
This has to stop, for obvious reasons.
If your mood depends on how many likes or comments you get, you need to be more mindful with the way you use your social media.
Next time you post something you love, log out immediately.
Don’t check. Don’t refresh. Let it exist without obsessing over the response.
The more you detach from digital validation, the freer you’ll feel.
4. Trust Your Own Judgment
One reason we seek validation? We don’t fully trust ourselves.
We second-guess everything and look to others for confirmation.
But the thing is, my beautiful friend, you are more capable than you think. You know what’s best for you more than anyone else ever will.
Trust yourself to do right by yourself, and have faith in your judgment without running to others for validation all the time.
I am not saying you shouldn’t seek advice, but if it’s just you looking for approval, then it’s wrong.
The next time you face a decision, pause.
Instead of immediately seeking input, ask yourself: What do I truly want?
The more you practice listening to your own intuition, the stronger it gets, and the easier it’ll be to trust yourself.
5. Create Without Caring Who Approves
Creation is a beautiful thing. It’s something every person in this world can thrive on, whether they do it for living or just for their soul.
But a lot of times, when we create something, we again look for ways to attach validation to it. But the worth of your creativity cannot be defined by anyone else, not even you.
Creation is all about the process and what it does for you internally.
So, the best advice that I can give you in this post? Create things, and don’t care what anyone thinks of about it.
Sing, dance, write, paint—do whatever lights you up. And do it for YOU. Not for claps. Not for an audience. Not for approval.
When you create from a place of pure joy, you truly connect with yourself.
You remember that your worth isn’t based on what people think. It’s based on how much you show up for yourself.
6. Surround Yourself with People Who Support Your Growth
Being free from the need for validation doesn’t mean not seeking support. These two are totally different things.
You don’t need a crowd of people nodding along to everything you do. Just a few solid people who genuinely support you.
Find friends who hype you up, who challenge you to be your best self, who remind you that you’re already enough.
The right people won’t make you chase validation; they’ll remind you that you never needed it in the first place.
7. Be Okay with Being Misunderstood
You can try your best to say the right things, do the right things, but people will still misunderstand you.
You know why? Because everyone’s definition of ‘right’ is different.
And what sucks is that a lot of time when people are thinking about doing the ‘right’ things, they are looking at it from others’ perspective, not their own.
So, if you really want to live your life, you need to make up your own definitions of what’s right and what’s wrong for you, and be neutral about other people’s opinions of them without holding any resentment.
People will form opinions about you based on their own biases, experiences, and perspectives. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
So stop trying. Stop explaining yourself to people who don’t get you. Stop diluting who you are to fit into someone else’s box.
Be bold. Be loud. And be fully, unapologetically YOU.
8. Know That External Approval is Temporary
You could receive all the validation in the world today, but that doesn’t guarantee that you won’t feel empty tomorrow.
That’s because external approval is fleeting. It’s not a solid foundation for anything.
Instead of chasing short-term validation, work on building self-respect, self-love, and a rock-solid belief in your own worth.
That’s the kind of confidence that lasts.
9. Own Your Worth (No One Else Can Do It for You)
At the end of the day, the only person who gets to define your worth is YOU.
Not your parents. Not your boss. Not the internet. You!
So stop waiting for permission. Stop holding back. Stop looking around for applause before you take up space.
You are worthy just as you are, and you don’t need anyone else to tell you that.
10. Ask Yourself: ‘Will This Matter in a Year?’
Most of the things we stress over are ridiculously temporary.
This includes conflicts, someone’s petty opinions on you, a hurtful remark, and every other negative thing that the world dishes your way.
Whenever you catch yourself obsessing over what someone thinks, ask: Will this matter in a year (or five years)?
If not, then let it go!
Don’t let a passing opinion shake your entire foundation. It’s not worth ruining your peace.
11. Limit Your Exposure to Judgmental Spaces
If you’re constantly in environments where you feel judged, it’s time to set boundaries.
You have many purposes on this earth, but being in a space of toxic judgment is not one of them.
Step away from people who make you doubt yourself, refrain from going to events that include gossiping, and instead spend your energy and time in places that empower you.
12. Practice Self-Compassion Every Day
You’re human, and you’re going to have moments of doubt. That’s okay.
But what’s not okay is to beat yourself up over anything.
If you have made a mistake, you need to own it, learn from it, and be better in the future. Berating yourself will only lead to setbacks in your growth.
Be kind to yourself, speak to yourself with love, and every day, remind yourself that you’re enough, just as you are.
When you have your own supply of love and kindness from within, you won’t seek external affirmation, ever.
Here are some everyday practices to nurture self-compassion;
- Do journaling before bed
- Exercise to feel good in your body
- Practice affirmations when you feel low
- Read empowering self-help books
- Spend time alone in nature
- Have self-care sessions at home
- Feed your body good food
Ready To Give Up Validation?
You don’t need validation. You don’t need approval. You don’t need anyone to sign off on your dreams, your choices, or your life.
You are enough. Right now. Without any external praise. Without a single gold star. Just as you are.
So start living like it.
Because the second you stop seeking validation is the moment you finally set yourself free.
Now go out there and own it, like you were always meant to.
Read next: 5 Best Things I Did To Improve My Mental Health
Did the post help? Let me know how I did in the comment box, and share your own thoughts and feelings on validation.
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